TYLER TOLMAN BLOG
Relationship Advice For Men | Improving Your Relationship With Your Partner
Relationship Advice For Men | Improving Your Relationship With Your Partner
I don’t often see a lot of relationship advice for men. So being a guy, and having a little bit of relationship experience myself, I wanted to share things with you, based on what I’ve learned over the years.
Like most couples, I’ve been through ups and downs with my partner. We need to understand that love and hate are two parts of the very same thing.
Love and Hate: Two Sides of the Same Coin?
If you truly love something greatly, you’re also gonna experience the other end of the spectrum where you might have some frustration, some anger or even hatred. Love and hate are on a sliding scale.
So if you are in a situation of perceived lack of love, then you are going to feel at the other end of the spectrum – anger or hatred. I say ‘perceived’ because it’s just a mind trap in that moment that love is lacking.
As soon as you begin to realise this trick of the mind, you can pull yourself out of it. I now know I can get back to a situation of love very quickly if I choose to. This is where self-mastery comes from. I believe we all have the capacity to develop this, it just may take time, even years.
It Starts with the Art of Listening
When you are in a tense situation with your partner, it’s so vital to step back from the situation and view it from a point of compassion of what the other person is experiencing. Try to see where they are coming from. Often situations arise because there has been a miscommunication.
I hear so many relationships people saying that they never feel ‘heard’, but maybe they are not listening to their partner either.
If we don’t listen, then we will have an experience of another person not listening to us. If we want to be heard, then we also need to truly listen to others. Holding space and allowing them to express themselves whilst you listen. Allow them to express everything that needs to come out without reacting and interrupting at that moment.
Remember how we act is always our choice. I choose to have love for my partner.
I recommend even saying this as a mantra whilst you hold space and listen to your partner.
“I have love, and my love stays.”
I do this myself. Be in the vibration of this mantra, whilst allowing my partner to vent all the emotion and all the “stuff” (that I most likely caused from either doing something or lacking doing something).
And I had to go through MASSIVE growth to get to this point. Because I used to be the type that when I perceived a lack of love, and someone was angry, I would react because I thought, “oh, you don’t love me.”
Essentially for me the communication that I give, is what I will receive back.
I choose to see the outside world as a reflection of what’s going on within me. I take full responsibility for everything that shows up in my space.
The worst thing to do is to list all of the reasons you’re right. Maybe you are right, but banging on about that will only create further separation, and your partner is needing connection and love. The intelligent thing to do in this situation is to focus on that. Maybe your partner needs a hug, or to be told how much they mean to you.
I often use this phrase:
“I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me and what can I do to make it right, what can I do to make it better.”
Another tip is to never argue in your bedroom because the residues of that argument will linger there. Don’t argue in bed. Don’t argue in the living room. If you guys have an argument create a mutual agreement that you go somewhere. Sit down. Take a deep breath and then let it all out on each other. Express, listen, understand and come back to that feeling of love.
Here is What Your Number One Priority Should Be
Even beyond our children, our partners should always be number one. Our children were created by our partners. If you neglect this and it goes wrong, you mess up your children. You mess up yourselves. You mess up everything else.
So treat your relationship with your partner as number one. It’s the foundation for how everything else in your life flows. There needs to be a certain amount of energy, communication, compassion, motivation, encouragement and unconditional love to make it all work.
You have to be able to look and ask yourself, “Where am I lacking in this relationship? Am I communicating? Am I truly being compassionate? Am I encouraging the other person? Are we touching each other?”
If we truly stay connected, we always help each other to be better. That’s a big part of a relationship.
Sexual Healing, Are You Using It?
It’s a beautiful thing that my partner and I still make love every day, after being together for 7-8years. I believe that there is healing within that activity.
I don’t wanna shame anybody for their level of sexual activity, but we should become conscious of how we are connecting. How often are we connecting? What ways are we connecting?
If you hang out and give each other energy in different ways that’s fantastic. On the daily basis, we should be communicating, touching each other, or choosing a way to show love for each other, whether that is sexual or not.
And I tell you guys, give your woman an orgasm every single morning she’ll have a fantastic day! She will support you. She’ll be happier. This is because her orgasm, releases so much emotional stuff being pent up. So remember that. For a guy typically things tend to ‘rise’ in the morning anyway, so honour that situation if you can. If you have to wake a little earlier, then do so and you’ll have a fantastic and beautiful relationship.
I also highly recommend you schedule time into your week for a date night. However often you can. Just to have some special one of one time. It’s so worth it.
Learning Love Languages is a Complete Game Changer
A really helpful thing that I learned is the concept of ‘Love Languages’. When it comes to relationship advice for men, this is a real winner. We all like to receive love in different ways.
Take the quiz at 5lovelanguages.com and find out which love language you and your partner respond to the best. Then start to do things on a daily basis that support those love languages so you can be happy and healthy.
Learning the other person’s love language is the best way to know how to nourish their love needs. For example, some people love to receive gifts, others physical touch, or maybe quality time is most important to them. For some women, it’s love words of affirmation (that’s my wife). She loves it when I say things to her that affirm my affection and love for her.
This can just mean subtle changes in how you show your love for your partner so that they’re being fulfilled. I even have an alarm that goes off on my phone twice a day. It’s like “words of affirmation for my wife” and I send her a little message, “Babe you’re so amazing! Thank you for being in my life. You create everything so greatly. You’re a gorgeous goddess.“
Your Relationship is Worth it - How to Make the Best Investment Ever!
I promise you this guys, when it comes to relationship advice for men, just follow this…
Be willing to submit to someone, to allow yourself to communicate and truly get out of your ego and just love and support your partner, your woman will do the world for you. She will take care of you in so many fantastic ways. Sexually, in creation, in taking things on for you and helping you out. Women are beautiful manifestors and do so much for us.
Improve your relationships and you’ll find yourself at a higher level of health, vitality, love, life, and joy. I truly believe that’s the reason we’re here. It’s a reason I share everything that I do. I just want you to have more joy, happiness and clarity in your life.
Thanks for reading!
